Mt. Vernon Republican (Mount Vernon, Ohio : 1854), 1864-07-05

              X. AY P. DEVOTED TO POLITICS, LIXIUlt AXUIili:. T1IH MAltKETH AND GENEHAL INTELLIGENCE. VOL. X. MOUNT VERNON, OHIO, TUESDAY, JULY 5 mi. NO 35. mm TUB MtOCNT VERSION ItEPVBLICAN. - TERMS: fror ono year (invariably in advance)$2,00 Vot six mouths, ; 1,00 TERMS OF ADVERTISING. Dne squaro, 8 week,' 1,00 One squaro, 3 mouths, 3,00 One squaro, G months, 4,50 Ono square, 1 year, 6,00 One squaro (changeable monthly) 10,00 Changeable weekly, 15,00 Two squares, 3 weeks, 1J5 Two squares, 6 weeks, ' , 8,25 Two squares, 3 months, 5,25 Two squares, 6 months, . 6,57 Two squares, 1 year, ' V ' . , 8,00 Three squares, 3 weeks, 2,50 Three squares, 6 weeks, 4,50 Three squares, 3 mouths, J,00 Three squares, 6 months, 8,00 Three squares, 1 year, lojoO One-fourth column, chan. quarterly.15,00 One-third " " 22 00 One-hulf " 2800 One column, changeable quarterly, 50,00 CliOOSI nG aAIA!V,a ItELRATETHING. Long have we waited, aud long have I sigh- Longing at lengtb to be fiomebudy's bride; Many bavo wooed me, but uo one has won, Aud luster, still luster (lie fleet years run. Ne'er can I manage to make up my mind; Love cannot fiud me, for Love is so blind. Time almit daily new suitors will briug, Choosing a man is a delicate thing! l-oru boou will be over life's season of Spring; Sadly I sing sadly 1 sing . Cboosiug u man is u delicate thing! How my brain aches in its efforts to choose! How my lips burn, they so often refuse! How my strungo heart by its tension is torn, Longing for love in its louelcss forlorn!. Three uew proposers are waiting my word, Three more are coming to-duy, 1 have heard; Which on my linger shall fuisteu the rin"? Cboosiug u man is a delicate thing! CAonw boon will be over life's seascn of spring; Sadly I sing sadly 1 sing Choosing a mau is a delicate tbing! A GRATEFUL TltlUl'TE I' It O 71 JTUA.Kf UL m,AUX. OK BVSI'KI'SIES KINO. Descend my muse aud help me sing The praiies of Dyspepaies King, To Babbitt ull must yield the palm, His Sulerotus is a charm. For twenty years dyspepsy claimed Mofor bis subject, I was chained, Till Dab-bit set my body free, Aud rid me uf its tyrany. Now free, I'll sound aloud his fame, , And urge my friuuds to try the same; Life has a charm since cured its ills, Aud rid of Doctors and their pills. 1 uow 'enjoy warm cukes at tea, Without dyspeptic misery; "I'is Babbitt works with natures laws, His Salurutus is the cause. Gaudier O. Mrs. Cynthia Balooh. PijWttiWCMtjS. TUH OO.UiiNlIC OPEltA. f . t einco tue night when Iko went lo the opera he has been, as Mrs. Par tington says, ns crazy as a bed bug; and the kind old dame had been foar- fill least he should become "non pom pous mentus," through Lis attempt at imitating tne 'operatics.' The next morning jifter the opeja, Ike reached ma cup mm m a sou tongue sung "Will you, wilLyou, Mrs. 1 Help me to u Cup of tea?" The old lad y looked at him with surprise, hia conduct was so unusual isind for a moment she hesitated. He continued in a far more imassioned strain "Do not, do net keep me waiting, Do not, pray, be hesitating, I am anxious to be drinking, So pour out as quick as winking." She gave him the.tea with a sigh, as she saw the excitement in his face. He stirred it in silence, and in his abstraction took three spoons full of the sngar.' '(Why Iaaac what's the matter with jou?'' ' "There is nothing the matter .with me, ' I am as well ua I can be, ' ., ... , . Hand me-one of those doughnuts yonder And I will chaw it up as quick at thunder.' At last he sung again 'faq (e cloths, cups and saucer;, . Uoood white bread and active jaw, sirs. Tea gunpowder aud souchong iSweet euough but not to strong; Jiad for health ,to eat hoi biscuit, j ' Bat I'll risk it-but Til fix it" "What do you .mean, my boy?" sfisked Mrs. Partington, tonderly. "All right steady, never clearer, ' ' ' Keter loved a breakfast dearer, ' J ani pot bound by witchea or wizztrd. So dont fret your cussed old giward." .'But' Isaac,- persisted the dame. Ike1 struck his left hand upon the table, and swung hh knife aloft in Lis right.' bxkinirat a plate flpoif thatc-l tinging. "What form is that to me appearing! Ii it mackerel or ii it berringf Lot me duab upuu it quick, Ne'er again thut 6sh will kick , Ne'er again, though twice at large Charge upon them, Isaac, charge!" Bolbre bo had a chance to mako dash upon the fish, Mrs. Partington had dashed a tumbler of water into hia f.ice to restoro htm to "conscion tionsness' It mado him catch h breath for a moment, but ho did n' sing any moro at tho table tuoiig the opera fever still follows him else where. OLD HATTLE-BONE3. "I never shall forget," writes a corres pondent of the Agriculturist, "an' inci cent 01 my cnuunooa by whicn 1 was taught fe be careful not to wound the fnelings of the unfortunate. A number of school boys were playing by the road roadside one Saturday afternoon, when the stage coach drove up to a neighbor ing tavern, and the passengers alighted As usual we gathered around it to observe them. Among the number was an elderly man with a cane, who got out with much difficulty, and when on tho ground, he walked with the most curious contortions, His fest turned one way, his knees an other, and his whole body looked as though the different members were inde. pendent of it and of each other, and every 000 was making motions to suit itsvlf. I unthinkingly shouted look at 'old rattlebones!' and the other boys took up the cry with mocking laughter, while the poor man turned his head , with an expression ot pain which 1 can never forget. Just then to my surprise and horror, my father came round tho corner, and immediately stepping up to the stranger shook his hands warmly, and assisted him to walk to our house which was but a little distance. I could enjoy no more play that afternoon, ana when tea time came, I would gladly have hid myself, but 1 knew it would be id vain, uud so tremblingly went into tho sitting-room. To my great relief the stranger did not rccognizo me, but remarked pleasantly to my father as he introduced us, 'Such a fiue hoy was surely worth saving.'. How tho words cut me to the heart! My father had often told me a story of a friend who bad plunged into the rver to' save mo as I was drowning, while an infant, and who in consequence of a cold then taken had been made a cripple by inflammatory rheumatism; and this person whom I had made the butt of ridicule and laughing stock for my compan ions was he. I tell you boys and girls, I would give many dollars to have the memory of that event taken away. If ever you are tempted as I was, remember that while no good can come of sport whereby the feelings ' of others are wouuded, jou may be laying np foryour- solves painful recollection that will not leave tor a lifetime. From tho NuhrUle Timai. Tenncasee ltebolt protected by the Govcruiueuk , Wo wore informed yerterday on the highest authority that the noted chair man of the late Rebel Military Board of this State, who was want to boast Five Millions of dollars hud passed through his hands for tho beuefit of the rebellion, and who escaped de.ervod punishment at the late term of tho Federal Court by pleading the Amnesty Oath, hus several United States soldiers posted on his farm to prolcot his property. He sent one of these soldiers, who senniM to have been taken out of the United Citato (-service and transferred to his command, to the Colo-nel of an East Tennessee Cuvalry llegi-nieBt the other day to request him not to suffer his men to trespass on his property.The Coloual politely returned his compliments and told the guard to tell the Ex-chairman of the Rebel Military Board to go to hell, and that he knew his business without instructions, or admonitions from such a source Who placed guards mustered into the service of the Union, and paid for fighting rebels, over the property of a. man who went his whole length, and lent his influence- to promote the rebellion? . How many years will it take to put down treason and traitors if the armies ot the Union, are to be depleted to furnish guards to. the enemies of the Government? No Union man receives or asks such favors. We care not by whom the guard was placed, it is a burning shame that such a thing should be allowed It is disheartening to the loyal, and emboldens the deadly enemies of the Government.' A stringent order on this gross abuje Is needed from the War Department imme diately.; :i , Charity covers a multitude of sins; die tailor and dress makor a multitude of sinners. ,. , , , . , . ., ' VTo cut off U dog's tail wlllnot in'Voi ore with bus carrig but cffcclua'ly ttcp bis wapgin.' WEIIS'IlCH AND WHIT. Daniel Webster was once engaged in a caso in one of the Virginia courts, and the opposing counsel was William Wirt, auther of the 'Life of Patrick Henry,' which had been criticised as a brilliant romance. In the progress of tho oaso Mr. Web stor produced a highly respectable witness, whose testimony (uulcss disproved or impeached) settled the case, aud annihi lated Mr. Wirt s client. After getting through the 'testimony, he informed Mr Wirt, with a significant oxpression that he was thiough with the witness, and he was at his service. Mr Wirtsroseto com mence the cross examination, but seemed fur n moment quite perplexed how to proceed, but quickly assumed a manner expressive of his incredulity as to the facts elicited, ant: cooly eyeing the witness a moment, '.Mr. K , allow me to ask you whether you have ever read a work call ed 'Earon Munchausen ?' , Before the witness had time to reply, Mr. Webster rose quickly to his feet and sum 'I beg your pardon Mr. Wirt, for the interruption: but thera ia one question I forgot to ask the witness, und if you will ullow me that fuvor, I uromite not to interrupt you again.' Mr. Wirt, in the blandest mauner re plied, 'Yes most certainly;' when Mr. ft ebstcr, in the most deliberate and sol emn manner said 'S.ir, hove you ever read Wirt's Pat rick Henry?' The effect was so irresistible that even the Judge could not control his rigid features. Mr. Wirt himself joined in ! the momentary laugh, and turnir.g to Mr- Webster said. - 'Suppose we submit the case to th jurv wuuuut summing upr winch was assented to, and Mr. Webster's client won the case. SA1VKO H1IU OFF. The admiration of the pca?e Demo crats for Gen. Frjmont, ought to con vince that gentleman of the criminality of bis discreditable letter of acceptance of tho nomination of the Cleveland Con vention. Hear the Cincinnati Enquirer. That paper turns the letter to account 11 its advocacy of Vallandingham's claim to sympathy, in the following way: After the splendid and heroic letter of Major Gen. John 0.' Fremont, his liepublieaN competitor for the Presiden cy, in which he denounced with ten fold greater severity iha crimes of the Administration, will Mr, Lincoln have the audacity to place tho hand of despotism upon the champion of free speech and free press." And the traitor Vallandicrham nroba- bly was emboldened to make his raid in to Ohio, by 'that Ircemont letter. VallandiL'bum in his sneech at Hamilton the other day, said: 'Iho plattorm 0: an earnast. numer ous aud most formidable Convention of the sincere ltepublicans, aud still further, the emphatic letter of acceptance by the candidate of that Convention, Gen. John rremcnt upon the rallying cry of Free Speech and a Free 1'ress, give renewed hope that at last the reign of arbitary. power is about to be brought to aa end in the United States." Gen. rremont averred in his letter that it was not himself who was creating schism in the Union party; but now e can see the capital thut treason makes out of his appeal. Fremont is to be ued by the copperheads, and he has unwittingly we believe tendered his services to them Too late that centleman "will nd that he will be used used un bv that party. At Baltimore circulating amon? the delegates aud reporters, was a citizon of that eity known as "tho man who sawed imsolt off." 13 was formerly a carpen ter by trade, and in the prosecution of his art had oecasij'i to saw off a scantling but in doing so stood upon the end that was to bo severed, and soon found him self, saw and piece of timber, in a promiscuous heap on the pavement. We 1 ought ot (jcn. Feemont and his letter, hen the incident was related to us. for the Gen. has performed a political feat of like character he has tawed himself off.Clcve. Uarald. Torcrtj. liulwcr says that poverty is only an idea, in nine cases out of ten. Some men with ten thousand dollars a year suffer more for want of means than others with three hundred. . The reason is, the richer man has artificial wants. His income is ten thousand dollars, and by habit he spends twelve or fifteen thousand, and he suffers enough from being dunned for unpaid debts to kill a sensitive man. A man who earns a dol lar a day, and does not run in debt is the happiest of the two.' Very few people who never have boen rich will not be lieve us, but it is true a God's word. There are people, of courso, who are wealthy, v and ecjoy, their woalth, but there are thousands upon thousands, with princly incomes, wh never know a mo. meat's peace, because they , !ivo above their means.: There is really more hap-pi nesi in the world among the worlint pie ihau anion- those h j, 'uro called J r r li. A HAULED ITIllClt. A miser naving lost a bag containing a hundred pounds, promised ten pound reward to any oue who would bring it to him. An honest poorNnin, who found it brought it to the old gentleman, de mandipg the ton pouuds, but the miser to Luflle him, alledgcd there were hundred and ten pounds in the bag when lost. The poor man, however, was advi sed to sue for the money; and when the case came to be trid, it appeared that the seal had not been broken nor the bag ripped, the judge said to the defendant's counsel; ' T ' ' V "The bag you lost had a hundred and ten pounds iu it, yoo say?" " Yes my lord," raplied the counsel. "Then," said tho judge, "aocorcing to the evidence given in court, this can not be your money, for here are only a hundred pounds; therefore the plaintiff must keep it till the owner appian." Pkettv Strono. Old Deacon M was the only store -keeper in a pretty village "up couutry,"and used to take great pleasure in catechising tho youth who might visit his store. One stormy day business dull the deacon was quietly smoking by the side )f a cheerful fire, when a ragged urohin entered, who seemed a fitting subject on which the deacon might exersise his questioning powers. The deacon drew a long whiff then pulled out bis pipe and exhaling a long column of smoke, called the lad to him, and patting him on the shoulder, said: 'Well my son, what's the strongest thing you ever knew of?" lhe lad thought a moment then scratching his bump of communicative ness through a hole in his hat, answered; i. recon marm knows, she's tarnal strong herself she can lick dad at any time, and she said that the butter that I got here t'other day, wa s the strongest thing she ever seed yet, for that was so strong, she couldn't hold it after she got it dvun!" Time (or Cultlug Timber. Kail and other timber should be cut in summer. Mr. Cone of Michigan writes to tho 'Rural New Yorker as fol lows: "In June, twenty-nine years ago, hav ing need of a pair of bar posts, had cut a tree for that purpose. I cut a white oak about two feet though at the butt, and split out a pair. The bark peeled off easily. I set them with the but end in the ground. Now that pair of posts have outlasted about three sets in other parts of my farm, and the rails split at that time are much better than many that were split many years after. Now, bass wood rails, split in the sum. mer, whea they will peel ea-sier, will out last ordiuary oak in winter. CIST! DISTIl B17(T!!! Mr. Cecil, riding once with a friend on a very wioday day, the dust being very troublesome, his companion wished that they could ride in the fields, where they could be free from dust; and this wish was repeated more than once, while on the road. At length they reached- the fields, when the flies so teased his friend's horses, that he could scarcely keep his seat on tho saddle. On his bitterly com plaining, "Ah sir," said Mr. Cecil, when you were in tli road the dust was your trouble, and ull your anxiety was to get into the fields; you forgot that the flies were there. Now this is a true picture of human life and you will find, it is so in all the changes you make in the picture. We know the trials of your present situation, but the next will have trials, and perhaps worse, though they may be of a different kind. THE BIGHT FUIMCIPAU v ' A colored seminal was recently marching on his beat in the streets of Norfolk, Va. when a white man passing by .shoved him insolently off the sidewalk, quite into the street. The soldier, on recovering himself, called out: "White man, halt!" The white man Southernor like, went straight on. The sentinal brought his musket to a present, cocked it, and hailed again: "White man, halt, or 111 fire!" The white man hearing thoot ia the tone halted and faced about. "White man," contiuued the sentry, peremptorially, "come hare!" , ' Ho did so, - "White man," said the soldier again, "me no care one cent 'bout dis partikler Cuffee; but white man bound to respeck dis uniform (striking his breast,) White man move on!" ' This is the true Bpirit "white man bound to respect dis uniform." Whoa Government clothes a colored man it takes him under its'proteotion net as a colored man but as a soldier of the United States, and as such entitled to respect. Lot the administration act on this principle, and the Fort Pillow massacre vrill urt gi ljog unrcrcuged. Vallandlgham Items. While the "illustrious exile" was speak ing in Hamilton, a dispatch was sent to the State Democratic Convention at Springfield, Illinois to which the follow ing response was returned : Springfield, III., June 5, 1804, To the President of the Third District Convention, Hamilton, Ohio: The Convention received your dispatch with enthusiastio applause. Illinois will stund by Ohio in the maintenance of per sonal liberty. Pres. of the Convention. Vallandighain, in his Becoid speech, in Dayton, on Thursday night, is rcpre' sented, by the Journal, saying. ft ere the people of this oity to insti gate such treatment of him as he had be fore received, the consequences would be such that those of thirteen months since would be but as dust in the scale in com parison. Again the repeated his warning, stating, in connection, that if there were any military commander of the President's to undertake his arest, nnder such circumstances as before, the persons and property of his enemies, of this city, would be held as hostages. The Empire (Val's organ), follows it up with the following editorial thrust: It is believed that Mr. Lincoln will not nazara consequences which he must know to be inevitable, in case of a repetition of tne arbitrary proceedings of a year ago, Remarkable Incident. The fellow- ing is related in a letter from a gentle man at Toulouse, dated 20, 1708, to his friend, at Galway, Ireland:-"The most romarablo occurrence here is the ex-traordinary case of a criminal under sen innoa nfd.nfl. KKJ 1 A i . . . mm wuu was 10 nave been broken on the second current. The day Deiore tie was to have been executed he fell into a profound sleep, aud lived since without any nourishment whatever. Several means have been used to awake him, even blisters, but to no purpose; ho breathes easy and freely, and his limbs, especially from the middle upward, ore perfectly pliable. About four days ago ne woks, and continued so for an hour, or somewhat better; he walked a few steps, and tha phjsisian ordered him some light nourishment; butv before it could be got, he relapsed, and continues in the .same insensibility. The phvsi- cian call it a cataleptic ailment, incurred through feu and horror of the execution he was to undergo, which however, is on- ly ueierrea tin he recovers the sense of feeling. MASTER AND MAN THE OBJECT OF A farmer in Boyle countv became an. ious about his colored servants, apprehending that they micht leave him nn enlist in the army. Ht accordingly called upon ono of the most intelligent of thorn and akod him if thev hadanv thmnrkf of leaving. Ben told him, in reply, that they had talked over the war a good deal and then asked him what he thought the n wub iur, anu wnat its result would b6. The master answered that ho colored men would be all free by the end of the war. "We want to be clear ou this," said Bon, "for we think that if the war is going to make us free we ought to fight; but if it i for the Union and the Constitution as they was. we think massa, you ought to fight." Louisville Press. A BUIGHT LITTLE GIRL. A correspondent of the Herald tells the following good story: During Gen. Birney's recent raid throught Florida, a bright little girl was found alone at one house, her parents having skedaddled. She was rather non-cummittal, for she did not know whether the troops were Union or rebels. Twn fine dogs made their appearance whilst a conversation was boing held with the child, and she informed ono of her ques' tiOoers that their Dames were Gilnmm and Beauregard. .''Whioh is the best dog?" asked a bystander. "Idon'tknow," said she; "they're both mighty smart dogs; but they'll either of them suck e"gs if you don't watoh 'em." When Latimer was on trial for heresy: he heard the sorutch of a pen behind the tapestry. In a moment he bothought himself that every word he spoke was taken down, and he says that he was very careful what words ha uttered. Behind the vail that hides eternity is k record book, in which our eycry syllable is taken down. Even the most trivial are not forgo tton, for the Lord Jesus tells us that "every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the days of J udgment!" If our words have an eternity of existence if good words have so potent an influence t) save if idle, or profane, or poisonous speech work such perennial mischief, how noedful is the perpetual utterance of the prayer, "Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips." i . 'Come, Bill,' it's 10 o'clock; I think we had better be going, for it's time bon-fst folks were at home.' i J-irSub.aibe for tho IltpuMkin Tit far Tat. Tie said that Banks is quite profane, For once he dammed Ited river; But, in revenge, that sullen Btream Has damned poor Banks forever. Boston Post. aSTTho following is one of the best epigrammatic retorts on record: Tou men are aneeli when von woo th m.i.l But devils when the marriage vow ii said. The lorer not to be outdone, replied as follows: The change, dear girla, is easily forgiven W fiud ourselves in bell instead of heaven. There are two parties ,to every good laurh. An offender fined a second time is not necessarily refined. A young dairy woman is 'tor Cows and a market.' A poor fellow is badly mewed when licked into a small room with a big cat. Sin has a great many tools, but lie is the handle which fits them all. Wring tears from a woman. It it little else than to "make a dish-cloth of ber. A thick warm dress in winter ia a portable wood-economizing stove. Money is the money wheel-work of human activity, the dial-plate of our value. -rLadits should never put pits in their mouths. Their lips should be roses with out thorns. There is no cure for negative misery like positive misery. There are two things whioh you should not borrow trouble and a news paper. Women adorn themselves for their enemies even more than for their friends. Every man wants to have his own individaal farm or lot, but the graveyard is the common lot. If men show their faith by their works, the faith of a good many would seem te be in the Devil. Bo sure to pay for your pantaloons don'tgetyourselves charged with breech es of trust. Women love to exeroise control; they are not satisfied unless they have a husband to order. To find the value of a dollar at any prioe Try to borrow one when you are desperately hard up. Some women fake such delight in scolding that it would be cruel not to give them occasion for it. . Captain Edward G. Lott, of the Cun- arder Persia, has crossed tho ocean three hundred times. "Most persons would rather see you stand onj your head than use it for any purpose of thought. Almost cvory evil has iU compensa tions. He who has but one foot never treads on his own toes. Scrutinize a lawyer when he tells you to avoid litigation, aud a doctor when he drinks your health. Ambition often puts men to doing the meanest officers; as climing is per formed in the same posture as creeping. , The door between us and Heavan cannot be opened if th between us and our fellew-men is shut. The universe is a book, and we have only read the first page, if we have net been out of our own eountry. ( Our cities would have died out, rot ted and exploded long age, but that they were coutinually roinforced from the fiolds. 'I am on the trial of a dear,' as the fellow said when he stepped on one of the female street sweepers. Have the courage to be ignorant of many things in order to avoid the orvm-ity of being ignorant ot everything?' An unjust acquisition is like a barbed arrow, which must be drawn backward with terrible angu'uh or else will be your destruction. A young lady down East advertised for the young man who 'embraced aa opportunity,' aud says that if he will come over to tbeir own town he can do better. Our children will have the immense tax on their hand,' said an American gen-tloman. .1 'Ok, horrible!' exclaimed an elderly lady, 'what a blessing it is n have nails ou ours-' ; ,' .' - . - ... A farmer, a lawyer, or a doctor may be a very respectable individual, but a hotel-keeper is a whole host. ir , , . ' A disappointed lover down East late-ly hung himislf with a string of onioi s. Rheumatism and Electricity The other day an old lady entered a railway carriage at one of the stations on the Southwestern line and disturbed the pas-sengers a good dexl with complaints about a "most dreadful rheumatii" that the was troubled with. A geatleman present who bad himself been a sevsre sufferer with the same complaint, said to her. "Did you ever try electricity, madam? I tried it, and in the course of a short time it completoly cured me." , "Electricity,' exclaimed the old lady "y-e-s, I've triod it to my tatirfuotion. I was struck with lightning about a year ago, but it didn't . do me a morsel of good!" '"' "7 JQrThe editor of a paper in Provi-v dence, lately informed his readers that, the ladies always pulled off the left stock.' ing last. This, as may be supposed crea-ated some stir among his fair readers, ind while in positive terms they denied the statement, they at the same time de-clared that he had no business to know it even if such was the fact, and pronounced him no gentleman. He proved it, how ever, by a short argument. "When one' stocking is pulled off and another left, on pulling off this is taking the left stocking off last." Not Much Gained. A very talkative 1 littln girl used often to annoy her mother by making remarks about the visitor! that e.tme to the bouse. On one ocoosion a gentloman was expected whose nose had been accidentally flattened nearly te his-face. The mother cautioned her child particularly to say nothing about this fea. ture. Imagine her consternation when tne little one exclaimed. "Ma, you told me to say nothing about Mr. Smith's nose. . Why, he hasn't got any." JA story is told of some persons who visited an observatory on the Calton Hill in Edinburg, where the moon was to be seen in full orb. While one young man ; was looking through the telescope, hia friends very waggishly turned the tube aside, so that it Btruck across to the op- ' posite side oi the Forth. The man continued to look with great bewildermcnS at " seeing houses, and people walking about, ; and teemed quite delighted at thus re- .1 ceiving ocular demonstration that the : moon was inhabited. At last the teles- J cope rested on a sign-board, and he cried out it immense surprise, "Oh, dear me I ... 'Ales so!d here!' How on earth did they i get them up?" (Roars of Laughter.) ' J" Ad a Clare, who says a good many ' ' good things, remarked that 'as long, as men prefer a small foot in a woman to a i kind heart, and an hour-glass waist to a ' tender soul, women will continue to tor- ' ture their feet and squeeze their 'ribs out ' of place, and their hearts and souls - will remain what they too often are, shallow ' people withered and dried up, or filled ' with stagnant and bitter waters.' ' S&BA. rampant female Seoesh discov ered a vile Yankee surreptioualy pur-longing a pair of fat chickens. Terribly incensed at the wanton robbery and gross violation of the rights of personal proper ty, she made a bold onslaught, but I regret to say that all her expostulations ailed to convince the demoralised and hungry "mudsil" that he was sinning; for he replied. "Madam, this accursed Re bellion must be crushed, if it takes cveiy chicken in Mississippi." JQTA woman who recenlty had her butter seized by the market for short weight, gave as a reason that the cow from which the,buttcr was made was sub-jeet to a cramp, and that caused the butter to shrink in weight.' JSaTManton Marble, the editor of the World, rails at Mr. Lincoln and Andrew Johnson for their humble births. The , Albany Expsest states that this railer was once a poor boy in Albany, who probably would not havo emerged from obscurity but for the banevolence of a gentleman , who befriended him, having the expect tation that he would enter the ministry. And now the pitiful snob talks sneeringly of "rail splitters" and "boorish tailors." Js-A chap out West who had been severely afflicted with the palpitation of the heart, says he found instant relief by the application of another palpitating heart. Another triumph of homoepathy. "Like cures like." 'Well, yes,' was the reply; '1 rauH be off, but you need notgooa that account."Some writer exclaims, What is beauty without soap? Sometimes fashionable beauty is nothing without soap? We have seen many t check from Which tie beautiful red-rose hue wouli vanish before that nseful article, liks a ghost be-Pje saarise. It U cs ri' rme fc a n'-- t - -, Udytolo-e l"'- ' 1 1 if ' ; g'ntlfmin b-r i'lrr-